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7:26 AM

The sound of the phone ringing startled my adrenalin. I picked it up as if I was the fastest being on earth, but didn't utter a word when I had the receiver against my right ear. I was just staring at the numbers on the phone. “Hey! Results are published and are up and running. Check out before the server gets busy. And by the way I have scored 1074. Good luck man. Bye!” I just made an agreeing gesture and placed the receiver down. I sat in front of the computer with a confidence that I would score just as him, but with a little fear as well. Having all those mixed feelings inside of me, I decided to call my mom to stand behind me while I check out my result. The seconds dragged along as the website was loading. “There!” my mom exclaimed in curiosity as she pointed on the wrong “submit” button. As I managed to find out the right one, I started to type in my register number. As I typed one number after another, I could hear the monstrous pounding of my heart rise. S.ARAVINTH PASS TOTAL=987, it displayed. The pounding descended, but the stress and disappointment started to do the contrary. I was broken. It’s not that 987 was a lesser score, it’s just that I expected more, just like my family did. Everyone was disappointed, my brother tried to console me. But nothing went into my head.

JUNE 2011

It’s been a little more than a month since I used my mobile. I had been receiving calls and texts from my friends. I attended to none. I had been poisoning myself with negativity all these days. But things were getting back to normal. I started to use my mobile again and went out with my friends. I never answered them when they asked why my mark was not as expected though. We started playing and had loads of fun together that erased the regret off my face. “We need to get you into college” mom said. It was hard choosing a good college with the money we had. All the money was spent on renovating the house {which was really important when compared to my studies and my future – yeah right}. “I’d rather stay home an illiterate than studying at Prince College” I said to my family. Next day, there lay an application form on the computer table. It read PRINCE SHRI VENKATESWARA PADMAVATHY ENGINEERING COLLEGE.

AUGUST 2011

I was having my coffee in the dorm room of MIT Boston. Suddenly I could feel the entire earth beneath me rattling. I heard strange sounds, seemed more like a familiar ringtone. I opened my eyes to my cellphone which was vibrating and ringing as it was 5 in the morning. It was an alarm which spoiled my dream. The light from the window pierced my eyes. I felt so physically heavy that I began to feel an increased gravitational pull from underneath me. As I struggled to pull myself up to do my morning routine, I started to realize why I set the alarm in the first place. It was the first day of college. The bus was scheduled to arrive at 7:55 AM. Thanks to my mom’s astounding alacrity, I was sent to the bus stop 20 minutes earlier. My eye lids were heavier than my bag that contained lots of empty notebooks. At a far distance, I saw a yellow ugly four wheeler arrive that said PRINCE on the top left corner of the wind shield. I caught a window seat and started day dreaming. Wild and random imaginations began to dominate my mind as it set the depression about the college issue ablaze.

8:45 AM

The bus drifted into the college premises as we were clinging on to the rusty window bars. As I set foot in the institution, I looked up at the building as if I had entered a cage of hulk minded chipmunks. We all were made to sit on the ground floor while everyone was being sorted out based on their departments. Just like the others I was driven to my class 1st year IT. On my way to the class room, my desires and worthy alternatives flashed in my mind like lightning. And just like a lightning, it sure made an everlasting scar in my life. I actually wanted to become a physicist. I wanted to lead my life as a physics doctorate, do researches, accomplish something, and engrave my name on the face of significant history. All I heard was “Arts College? Yuk. I will not fund that.” So I predicted this answer and pushed myself into machines and automobiles. I started to love them as I began to dig into the subject. You could ask me why I enrolled myself in IT. Well the answer is, I did apply for mechanical engineering, but all the seats were SOLD out. I chose IT because I convinced myself with the fact that I needed money to proceed on to my life. I needed money to settle all the debts. And choosing IT was the only way I would get paid more. My desire was to become a physicist and its worthy alternative was mechanical engineering. I got neither. With all these blankets of wrath in my mind I proceeded with my daily classes.

TODAY

I was a person who pursued passion and conviction. But now I am just a shadow of myself. I was a person who would say “I don’t care about the money. It comes and goes. All I need is achievement”. If you ask me now I’d say “I’d monetize my achievements”. I have heard that people change during the course of time, but to see myself fall as a victim to time made me attain a shameful practicality on life, the practicality of following a let-go lifestyle. I don’t say that kind of lifestyle is bad. It is stress free. But it’s that way only to people who have been in that zone all along. To me, it is different. Yet I do want to achieve something, someday. As I said in my first blog, I do want to look at my life and say “I won”. By scripting this blog, I want to emphasize on the fact that the feelings of everybody are important. It is mandatory to consider if others are affected from your actions. I’d like to see how my blog would be when I write about my next transition, from college to someplace else. I’d like to play with time and observe its effect on me. Thanks for spending your valuable time. Adieu.

TOMORROW

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